Handling a conflict
The sources and degrees of a conflict, the five Thomas-Kilmann styles, the I-message, the DESC method, assertiveness and calling on a third party.
- 29 cards
- 5 topics
- Free
The outline, topic by topic
Each topic is weighted the way the exam weighs it.
- Concepts
- Questions
- Sort and link
- Scenarios
- Understand
A few cards from the deck
Assertiveness: what is it?
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A way of saying what you think, feel and want, clearly and with respect for the other, without giving in or crushing them.
It sits between passivity (staying silent, putting up with it), aggression (imposing) and manipulation (getting by trickery). It is learned with tools such as the I-message.
A colleague regularly arrives late to team meetings. Which sentence is an I-message?
- When the meeting starts without you, I have to repeat everything and I lose time.
- You are never on time and you clearly do not care at all what the rest of the team does.
- People think you show a lack of respect for your colleagues.
- Do you ever intend to arrive on time for our meetings?
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When the meeting starts without you, I have to repeat everything and I lose time.
Only the right answer describes a fact and its consequence for the speaker. The others accuse (“you are never”), invoke a vague “people” or hide a reproach in a question.
On the Thomas-Kilmann plane, one axis measures … and the other ….
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On the Thomas-Kilmann plane, one axis measures assertiveness and the other cooperativeness.
High on both: collaborating. High on assertiveness only: competing. High on cooperativeness only: accommodating. Low on both: avoiding. In the middle: compromising.
I-message: what is it?
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A wording that describes what you notice and feel, instead of accusing the other: “When merges go out without review, it worries me.”
“You are careless” is a judgment: it triggers defensiveness. A fact can be checked and a feeling belongs to the speaker: neither attacks, so the exchange can focus on the problem.
On a four-person project, two students each rebuilt the login page. What is the source of the conflict and the fitting response?
- A conflict of values: hold a debate on the quality expected
- A conflict between people: ask each to apologise in front of the team
- A role conflict: split the tasks in writing and name an owner for each feature
- A conflict of interests: draw lots for the version to keep
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A role conflict: split the tasks in writing and name an owner for each feature
Nobody acted badly: the task belonged to nobody, so to everyone. It is an organisation problem that a written split settles without looking for a culprit.